When the struggle is no longer real
“Am I creating my own chaos?”
This is something that came up in a recent journaling session. Though I’ve worked really hard at recovering from burn out I often find myself seeking the struggle.
What I’ve noticed is that even a perceived struggle makes me feel alive. Perhaps I’ve convinced myself that I am more relatable if I make it seem like life is hard right now. Or maybe I’m just so nervous to sit in a place of contentment that I can convince myself there is a struggle to overcome.
Our bodies can become so used to being under stress that we get uncomfortable with safety. And to avoid these feelings we just pile more things onto our never ending to do list so that we don’t have to feel this way. I know this is true for me and it’s something I want to work on.
When I became self-employed just over 7 years ago, there was a lot of real struggle.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to support myself but I also knew that to make a real ‘go of it’ I needed to leave my full time job and be all in for this new adventure. Sure, our family business has been around a long time and was, by all means, successful but I had no idea how much money I could make from it or if I could get to the point of that being my main source of income.
For the first few years I didn’t take much financially from the business. That left me hustling all winter (trying to build a coaching business) to make sure I could pay my bills. While I felt like I was just doing what needed to be done, I didn’t realize I was burning myself out through it all.
I’m so grateful that I was able to work through this and find myself on the other side. But what I’m now recognizing is that in many ways I’m keeping myself small. I’m letting a perceived struggle keep me from owning my success and being proud of the growth I’ve had personally and professionally.
When I slow down to connect with this feeling I notice that I’m worried about what others will think of me if I share about my success. I can convince myself that people will think I’m boastful and braggy, that they will roll their eyes at me and say that I didn’t actually earn this myself.
Instead, I convince myself that people will relate to me better if I talk about how hard it is instead of owning the success we’ve had and how much our business has grown. It’s wild how our brains can create these stories and also how easy it can be to believe them.
And while I did struggle a lot in the beginning of this world of entrepreneurship - between hurricanes, covid and personal issues - I can confidently say that I’m now in a place where I am earning enough to be comfortable. And I recognize that I no longer want to let a scarcity, fear based mindset be in control of my life.
I’ve learned a lot in the last 7 years. And while I know there will be more challenges in both my business and personal life, I am ready to lean into that with a clearer, more open mind.
So this is my commitment to leaning in and recognizing when I am letting a pretend struggle keep me small.
When I find myself thinking or saying the common phrase “the struggle is real” I’m going to challenge myself and look for proof. Chances are, I’ll find none, or at least not a struggle that’s a true threat to my safety. I’m ready to kick the habit of going into fight/flight response and it’s this awareness that can help me do it!
Until next time,
Julie Ann
