Drowning in Freedom
I love when a podcast episode speaks directly to me. And that’s exactly what the latest In This New Season episode did.
Every September I find myself struggling with the transition from a full schedule to an almost empty one. And it’s a lonely feeling because often when I share this with others I am met with an eye roll and some version of “must be nice”...
Because of these reactions I sometimes find myself keeping these thoughts to myself. I don’t want people to get annoyed with me or think that I’m ungrateful for this life that I have built. And I’ve never had the right words to describe this feeling either. Until now.
The podcast host, Kailea Switzer, gave me the language I’ve been searching for. And her guest’s vulnerability in sharing this part of his life helped me see that I am not the only one who goes through this. It’s amazing how comforting it can be to know someone else, even just one person, has experienced the same feeling as you.
Now when these feelings start to bubble to the surface I can check in with myself and say “ok here we are drowning in freedom again”. Because identifying the feeling is always the first step to being able to move forward.
Today is the last day of September and I have very little on my calendar over the next few months. Sometimes it’s tempting to fill it with plans, appointments, anything to make me feel productive and worthy. As a high (maybe even over) achiever, I’ve spent a lifetime connecting my productivity to my worth and it’s something that is so hard to shake.
And that brings me to another quote from this episode that really hit home for me…
“It’s not about being productive, it’s about being present and it’s about intentionality”
This is an important mindset shift for me. When I stop and look back on my year I can see that my output through lobster fishing and running Joey’s is enough productivity for the whole year. But that doesn’t stop this feeling of drowning in my freedom from popping up when I find myself with a clear schedule for days on end. Instead of looking at these days with dread and overwhelm I want to look at them with excitement and possibility.
I want to lean into more spontaneity and joy! Like the other night when I got home from visiting family and saw that the river was like a mirror. I texted Katherine and within 10 minutes we were hopping on the kayaks for a sunset paddle. This is where I go from drowning in freedom to embracing it!
If you’re like me and have a schedule with a lot of space, drop a note below and let me know if you’ve ever had this feeling of drowning in freedom. I’d love to hear about your experiences!
Chat soon,
Julie Ann
